When the clock strikes 12, meet her at midnight, just don’t expect to get tickets to the show.
As ex-slaying, heartbreak tending, scarf rhapsodizing, self-deprecating Sagittarius Taylor Swift continues her domination of the world (and prepares to tour it), we’re doing an astrological deep dive into the lyrical marrow of her latest album, “Midnights.”
Released, naturally, at midnight on October 21, and curiously, on the eve of Kim Kardashian’s 42nd birthday, “Midnights” marks Swifts’s return to recording after a two year hiatus. Shortly afterward her devotees broke Spotify. Abundant archer that she is, Swift doubled down on the musical gifts by releasing “Midnights (3am Edition),” which includes 7 bonus tracks.
Hallowed Swifties have subsequently and predictable gone absolutely ape, helping Tay Tay makes history as the first artist to have ten songs simultaneously in the top ten of Billboard’s Hot 100. Big ups, baby.
In support of “Midnights,” and to repay fans for their fealty and continued decimation of John Mayer, Swift is taking to the road. A complete calendar featuring all of her 2023 “Eras Tour” show dates, venues, start times and links to buy tickets can be found here.
Although sadly fans might have a hard time actually seeing their Queen in the flesh. Ticketmaster canceled Friday’s general public sale of Taylor Swift tour tickets after seeing “historically unprecedented” demand at its presale events. “Due to extraordinarily high demands on ticketing systems and insufficient remaining ticket inventory to meet that demand, tomorrow’s public on-sale for Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour has been cancelled,” Ticketmaster tweeted Thursday, less than 24 hours before the scheduled 10 a.m. sale date for the general public.
For now fans will have to quench their thirst by listening to the new album on repeat. Now, let’s talk stars and songbooks.
As stated, Swift’s zodiac sign is Sagittarius, but our girl has a Cancer moon (which explains her masochistic nostalgia and multiple vinyl versions of “Midnights”) and a stellium in Capricorn (indicating she’s here to get paid and laid folks). As faceted as she is famous, Swift ultimately sings to and for every sign and in our estimation, there’s a song on “Midnights” that distills the energy of each. Read on and play it loud my, babies.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Aries is the first sign in the zodiac and Swift came correct with “Anti-Hero” as the first single and video release from “Midnights.” Aries is many things but subtle they ain’t and neither is this song. With lyrics like:
“It’s me, hi
I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)
At teatime, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero”
Swift sings to the self-aware streak in this fire sign that knows they should practice restraint but can’t seem to be anything but extra. We love you for it you big, well meaning, impulse obeying emotional arsonists.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus folk tend towards self-righteousness and low key love when people that have slighted them face retribution. Enter “Karma,” a track that is vaguely threatening and high off that humble brag. It tracks that the most sensual earth sign would translate the abstract concept of karma into a boyfriend to f**k or a cat to pet. Bull folk are all about the slow advance, the punishing relationship that won’t end and other expressions of the long game. True to form, Tay Tay begs the questions:
“Ask me what I earned from all those tears
Ask me why so many fade, but I’m still here”
Taurus responds, “I earned this win and this reckoning and I shall shine whilst the gentle winds of karma sweep though my weekend hair.”
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
For Gemini, the twin for the win sign of the switch hit, the changed mind, mutable mood and endless parade of questions, only one track rings true. Swift sings,
“And you’re not sure and I don’t know
Got swept away in the gray
I just may like to have a conversation”
Gemini is never sure, never tires of talking and lives and loves in the proverbial gray, making “Question…?” the obvious answer.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
“Snow On The Beach”
Counting Cancer queen Lana Del Rey as a collaborator, “Snow On The Beach” smacks of crustacean tidings. Evidence includes name dropping the moon in the opening line, copping to coming unglued and likening falling in love to a snow drift by the sea. The point is emphasized by these lyrics:
“Stars by the pocketful
You wanting me
Tonight feels impossible
But it’s comin’ down
No sound, it’s all around”
Cancers nurse the desire to cocoon themselves and the object of their affection, “no sound, it’s all around” speaks to that all encompassing, deafening, fine line between rapture and smothering quality of Cancerian love. “Weird, but f***in’ beautiful,” indeed.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Leos are at their best when dressed to dominate and/or going hard in defense of others. “Vigilante S**t” with its feline promise of a “cat eye sharp enough to kill a man,” delivers both. Rulers of the heart, Leos are ardent lovers that go hard and go rogue when wronged. For your consideration, the following lyrics:
“I don’t start s**t, but I can tell you how it ends
Don’t get sad, get even
So on the weekends
I don’t dress for friends
Lately, I’ve been dressin’ for revenge”
Serving looks and just desserts on a Sunday? Meow.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
“You’re On Your Own, Kid”
Virgos often feel apart from the crowd, left out of the proverbial party and destined to walk alone, Whitesnake style until the end of time. Symbolized in the tarot by the Hermit card, these folks are observers of life whose cool veneer often masks a ceaseless internal monologue of doubt. Lyrical evidence of the Virgo vibe of “You’re On Your Own, Kid” includes references to the end of summer AKA the onset of Virgo season in the Northern Hemisphere and the confided hope of being noticed while doing everything to disappear:
“Summer went away, still, the yearning stays
I play it cool with the best of them
I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me
It’s okay, we’re the best of friends
I hear it in your voice, you’re smoking with your boys
I touch my phone as if it’s your face.”
Longing deeply while looking absolutely aloof? Virgo hallmark.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of love, beauty and gem stones. In kind and true to sign, “Bejeweled” leverages an aesthetic glow up as punishment for mistreatment. The video for the song, directed by Swift herself, features a cameo from Libra burlesque star Dita Von Teese. The lyrics include the lines,
“Don’t put me in the basement
When I want the penthouse of your heart
Diamonds in my eyes
I polish up real, I polish up real nice”
Committed as they are to social ascent and affluent environs. Libra is the lux loving romantic of the zodiac. They like the finer things and people in life and have no business in literal or metaphorical basements.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
As the unabashed goth teenager of the zodiac, Scorpio can vibe with “Midnight Rain,” which sounds like a synth orgasm and contains lines like:
“He was sunshine, I was midnight rain
He wanted it comfortable
I wanted that pain”
Seeking transformation even and especially through trauma? Eschewing the comfortable and waxing poetic about pain? Fixed water brooding all day, folks.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Inspired by a 1950’s term for being in love, “Lavender Haze,” is also a strain of high octane weed and Sagittarius folk roll hard for a far flung location, a heady affair and altered states of consciousness. Resistant to tradition and the trappings of conventional commitments, archers will appreciate that this number rails against the idea of “the 1950s shit they want from me.” Presumed to be about Swift’s long time love Joe Alwyn, the song nods to the virtues of staying about the fray and forgiving people for their histories, two high minded aspirations of the archer ilk.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Love, like everything else for a Capricorn, is about strategy baby and “Mastermind” intercedes where fate leaves off, taking a “if you build it, they will fall” approach to relationships and bucking the idea that attraction is accidental. It’s calculating, slightly Orwellian and absolutely in line with sea goat tactics. The lyric video for the song features the guts and gears of a pocket watch and Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, paternal planet of time and karmic lessons. Lines like,
“And now you’re mine
It was all by design
‘Cause I’m a mastermind,”
remind us whose proudly pulling the strings, calling the shots and earning their distinction as the uncontested daddy of the zodiac.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
The original labyrinth was designed by the mythical Greek inventor/nephew killer/wax wing maker and probably Aquarius, Daedalus. Water bearers are big thinkers big on over thinking and T. Swift’s “Labyrinth” is a meditation on falling in love while anticipating a crash landing. Our lady of the perpetual romantic crises writes,
“You know how scared I am of elevators
Never trust it if it rises fast
It can’t last”
Never trust it if it rises fast? Are we talking about elevator, erections or sourdough Tay Tay? I’m not sure and you don’t care and that’s usually how I feel in and around an Aquarius.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
In addition to this song being a reference to both wine stains and hickeys, the very DNA of the Pisces spirit, it contains these lyrics:
“And I lost you
The one I was dancin’ with
In New York, no shoes”
Lost love and bare feet on city streets? Pure water sign. Yet, what solidifies “Maroon’s” place among the fish folk is this endorsement by my Pisces pal, the writer Jack Cape, “I’m a romantic and nostalgic alcoholic who loves drugs and that song just has those vibes.” Preach, brother, preach.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.